Lost Without Your Love
by flashpenguin
Summary: Em has finally found the man of her dreams. But when he leaves her, will she find the strength to move on? One-shot. Complete!


_Well, it has happened and I have managed to write my 80__th__ story! When I first started, I thought I had accomplished something by writing ten, then twenty-five. Before I knew it, I was at forty! Where doest the time go? Any way, I decided to make this a quick one-shot of Em finding - then losing the love of her life. Will she be able to move on?_

_I don't own Criminal Minds._

_Song prompt: "Lost Without You Love" by Bread._

**Lost Without Your Love**

He had lied to her. He had broken his promise, broken her heart, and then he went away. He didn't even bother to say good-bye before he left her life. He had wooed her with sweet words of seduction and promises of forever… Oh how easily she had fallen for his line. She should have known better - after all he was the one with the reputation of loving and leaving. But she thought he had changed. And to top it off, he had missed their anniversary.

It wasn't love at first sight - far from it. She had been smitten and he had appeared to be interested but that's as far as it went. He had a rock star quality about him that drew women and men to his side. He could tell a joke, tell a story, and tell when he had some one lured in. Except for her. She had admired him from afar and it was plain as day on her face if anyone caught her looking at him.

But he wasn't all he made himself to be - yes, he was brilliant and knowledgeable and famous, but that was on the outside. Inside he was an arrogant, anal-retentive, fussy son of a bitch who thought he could never be wrong. He didn't mind bucking the system and stepping on toes to get the results he needed. He had no problems pulling the strings to make people jump at his command.

But not her.

Once the glow of working next to the famous David Rossi had worn off, she realized that he was just a man who put his jeans on one leg at a time…though he definitely knew how to wear a pair of jeans like nobody else. But that wasn't why she disliked him - he had embarrassed her in front of the team. He had called her out on the red carpet for a minor infraction. She made sure after that, she was never teamed with him…if she could help it.

But then Morgan had to be acting team leader and Reid got himself shot and she had no choice but to partner with the most egotistical FBI agent ever - next to J Edgar Hoover. He drove her mad and crazy - often at the same time - and if he hadn't been so good at what he did, she would have been trying to think of a way to explain to her superiors why she had shot him. Until that one night in Los Angeles.

He hated that city more than life itself. She loved it. She loved going out on the boulevard and hitting the clubs and having a good time. He would rather be locked up in his hotel room pouring over manuscripts and shutting the world out while sipping on expensive scotch. Well, that was too stuffy for her liking, so what possessed her to stop by and knock on his door? It had taken everything she had not to swallow her tongue when he answered wearing nothing but a robe. Somehow she had croaked out an invite while he watched her face. But he surprised her by agreeing to go along…if he could choose the place.

Sitting in a restaurant munching on authentic Chicago style deep dish pizza and cold beer, the conversation had lapsed until he asked how her mother was doing. Surprised, she commented that the Ambassador was doing well and was currently in DC awaiting a new assignment to either the embassy in Prague or London. From there the talk had gone from family to music, movies, and why he hated LA and she hated Vegas; in that moment, she discovered the man behind the façade. And she liked him.

What had started as a simple dinner date led to many more conversations and outings. Whenever the team was out of town on a case, he always made sure she was escorted to the finest restaurants and other scenic spots. But he was always a gentleman - staying beside her but never invading her space. Maybe he was gun shy or assumed that if he crossed the line, she would shoot him. But the wait was driving her crazy.

So, one night when she couldn't wait another moment to take that next step, she asked him point blank. His gaze never wavered as he replied that he was waiting for her to make the first move. She laughed at the thought of the infamous Lothario being shy. But as they stood in awkward silence that grew heavier with each passing second, she wondered if he was telling the truth.

Seizing the moment, she kissed him. Slow at first, she didn't want to scare him off - but worse, she didn't want o find out that he had been lying. As her lips moved over his, she felt a shiver go thru her body. His arms went around her waist to pull her close as he parted his lips to deepen the kiss. And that was when she lost it. Three years…no - from the first time she had seen him at a seminar she had wondered what it would be like to make love to him. He had haunted her dreams at night and now she was in his arms.

But they didn't consummate their relationship that night. He said he wanted to make sure they didn't rush it. Of all the times he decided to be noble! She could have screamed in frustration, but like everything else in life, he was biding his time and waiting for just the right moment. Who knew that it would arrive the night of JJ and Hotch's wedding?

The bets had been laid years earlier that the two agents would get together, but when JJ left for the State Department, the odds had gone down and the pool had been discarded. Until that day Hotch had arrived to the BAU with a smile on his face. It had been so long since anyone had seen him smile that Garcia had wanted to call 9-1-1 because she was sure he was having a stroke. But it was a little more serious than that: he had finally found his true love.

It had felt like an out of body experience to be standing at the altar as JJ's maid of honour as her best friend and boss exchanged vows of ever lasting love - Dave stood as Hotch's best man. Finally, after a life time of searching, two lost souls had found each other. Watching the newlyweds cutting the cake, she wondered if she would ever get her chance. Even though she was seeing Dave, she had long given up wishing on a star. Dreams never came true.

Riding in the passenger seat of Dave's Lexus, she thought about making small talk, but from the look on his face, she thought better of it. Perhaps it was the sight of watching Hotch find true love that sent that shadow across his features and made him look forlorn because he had failed at happily ever after three times. Or maybe he had decided that after nearly a year of dating it was time to cut his losses and move on. She only hoped she could make it inside her house before he could see her break down.

It had taken a minute to realize that he was kneeling on the porch of her house after insisting on walking her to the door. A dozen times she had glanced between the ring in his hand and the smile on his face. Had she said yes? She couldn't remember, but she would never forget the way he took her in his arms and held her so tight - he would protect her and guard her with his life for as long as they both should live.

It wasn't until they were on their way to the airport for their honeymoon that he let her know that she had never actually accepted his proposal, but it was too late to back out now; she was his until death do they both part. It was their running joke that he would drop to one knee and ask her to marry him. She always had to turn him down because she was already married. He vowed that one day he would get her to say yes.

And so it began her life as the fourth Mrs. David Anthony Rossi, but the only Mrs. Rossi he had ever loved. Of course that didn't mean life with the egotistical FBI agent cum famous crime author was heaven on earth - there were fights and shouting matches and plenty of slammed doors…and one lamp, but that had been an accident. Making up was even more passionate than their fights - he liked to call them "foreplay", but she called it sneaky. Either way, no one was complaining.

Until that day her blood tests came back. It was just a routine physical - nothing to get excited about but it was enough to set her on edge. While they sat in the room and waited for the worst, neither was prepared for the "P" word: pregnant. But the two unlikely people on earth were about to become parents. And then the bets were really made at the FBI. Date, weight, size, gender, name, and resemblance odds were laid - even Erin Strauss got involved - and for the first time in a long time, there was excitement at the BAU that didn't involve taking down a scumbag of some type.

Her labour was short and quick and Dave was there to hold her hand and to shed tears as their daughter entered the world screaming at the top of her lungs. It had finally happened after too many years of praying and finally giving up. They were officially a family in all sense of the word. And suddenly life went from good to amazing.

But amazing had its drawback: time sped by fast…or rather at warp speed. One second they were holding their daughter and the next she was off to her first day of school. Dave stayed home while she went on to teach Arabic at the academy.

Another blink of her eyes and their baby was in high school, then driving, and finally off to college to follow in someone's footsteps. Her role models had been extraordinary and plenty so it was her choice who she would emulate. The day their daughter was accepted into the FBI academy was perhaps the happiest day of her and Dave's life. Their little miracle had grown up and made something of herself. They had succeeded.

If watching their little girl grow up over night had been fast, it was nothing compared to the day she took a look at the man who had been her partner for longer than she could have ever imagined. He had not been a spring chicken when they got married but he could keep up with the best of them. And though he had retired by the time the baby had been born, he still wrote, toured, and did seminars - and the occasional golf games with Hotch. He was always running from here to there - even when making time for ball games, recitals, and birthdays - so it shocked her to realize that literally over night he had gotten old.

He was still Dave Rossi through and through: loyal, fussy, loving, and still a royal pain in her ass - but she wouldn't have it any other way; they had had thirty happy years together that she wouldn't trade for a million dollars. While she prepared herself to settle into retirement with their grandchildren and relish in the happy golden years of life - he left. No good-bye. No warning.

It had been a family picnic at the park with their two grandbabies - he had taught their grandson how to fly a kite and it had been a Kodak moment when the little ones had crawled up onto Papa's lap and fell asleep. Saying good-bye and parting as the sun went down was the hardest thing she had ever done. On the drive home, Dave had remarked that he enjoyed himself and hoped they could get together again soon.

That was the last conversation they had.

He had woken her up with a kiss and the promise of a cup of coffee. And that was the last time she had seen him alive.

She comforted herself with thirty plus years of memories and more love than she ever deserved. And she had a family and friends, so she wasn't alone. Until she walked into the study and looked at the desk still covered with his papers and notes for his next book that her heart didn't squeeze painfully. Thirty years did nothing to make the nights less lonely when she rolled over and reached for the warm body that used to give her love and security.

She had woken up early that morning and lay watching the breeze moving the trees outside her bedroom window when it dawned on her that today was their anniversary. Rolling over, she looked at the nightstand where his unfinished book lay with his reading glasses. Nearly a year since he had past and she still didn't have the heart to move them. They were the first thing she saw in the morning and the last thing she saw before turning out the light. It was her comfort.

But not today. Today she wanted to lie in bed and pretend that the world was going on without her. It wouldn't be too difficult to do since it seemed it already had. Squeezing his pillow, she buried her face and swore she could still smell his cologne. She just needed to feel close to him; God, she missed him. Just once she would like to wake up without feeling her heart break.

Then the doorbell rang.

Not knowing what to expect, she opened the door to find a delivery man with a large box. Confirming who she was, she signed the board then took the gift. Closing the door, she went into the living and sat down on what had been his favourite chair.

Untying the bow, she lifted the lid and then caught her breath. Nestled in the tissue paper was two dozen perfectly cut purple tulips and lily of the valley: _his_ flower and hers, too. As tears filled her eyes, she reached for the card tucked in the corner. Her fingers fumbled as she opened the envelope. Twice she read the words before they made sense. Then her tears flowed.

_Emily, I__'m sorry I missed our anniversary but I'll make it up with forever. Just say the word. Love, Dave_

Lifting a flower to her nose, she sniffed carefully. It was just like him to wait for the perfect moment to let her know that he hadn't forgotten her. He was waiting for her. She had to move on. Could she?

Sniffing the flower again, she closed her eyes and whispered, "Yes."


End file.
